Kraven Moorehead

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the

Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red

vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and

Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And

Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some

sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that

Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the Wheat, and

sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented

Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side.

And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in

which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and

chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more

weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake,"

and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those

extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not

have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried

before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with

nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy

center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still

satisfy his appetite. And Satan created

McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries

with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said,

It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

Thought for the day .....

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on

Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large

elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no

recollection of what to do with them.